My friend and mentor Perry Noble just posted on his blog why people fail morally. Though he is talking to pastors, it applies to everyone.  This post is timing because last week we talked about sex and this week we are going to be talking about “How To Have An Affair.”  Remember, Perry is pretty raw and blunt…That’s what I love about him!

Here is what Perry had to say…

‘Several months ago I did a post entitled, “Pastors, keep your penis in your pants” that generated a lot of interest.  One of the main follow up questions I received as a result of that post was, “Why do pastors (people) have moral failures.”  I believe there are four main reasons…

#1 - No Personal Boundaries

Call me legalistic…but I am a FREAK about particular personal boundaries…such as…

• I do not ride in a car alone with a woman other than my wife!
• I will not be on an elevator alone with another woman.  (I have literally gotten off on a floor that was not my destination in order to keep this value.)
• I will not counsel a woman alone.
• I will not share a meal in a restaurant with a woman with it being just the two of us…under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!  EVER!  (And PLEASE don’t hand me that crap about how it is “business!”)

Those are just a few of the examples…but the bottom line is this men…YOU CAN’T HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN IF YOU ARE NEVER ALONE WITH HER (unless you are an absolute freak…which is another issue altogether!)

Too many men have sold their ministry down the river just to have an orgasm…it’s not worth it men–we’ve GOT to make tough decisions now and be willing to experience some “inconveniences” for the sake of the Gospel!  BTW…my wife absolutely LOVES the fact that she is the only woman I am ever alone with!

#2 - They Think That Temptation Will Never Overcome Them!

One of the Bible verses that has ALWAYS stuck out to me on the issue of temptation is I Corinthians 10:12!  Here Paul warns us to always be careful…because the minute that we think we have a particular sin mastered…we are in danger of that very sin actually becoming our master.

#3 - They Stop Pursuing Jesus.

One of the things I know is true about everyone of us is that we cannot pursue Jesus and sin at the same time…and if a pastor is trying to get in the pants of a woman who is not his wife…then he cannot claim that his eyes are on Jesus!

This is why I believe time in the Word of God is essential for anyone who wants to keep a pure heart!  Men…we are CALLED to pursue Jesus…and doing so will always lead us away from sin, not towards it!

#4 - Stress

When a man pastor experiences a time of intense stress and anxiety he is way more vulnerable to be lured into sin.

Pastors…we’ve GOT to take the fourth commandment seriously (that would be the one about rest!)  We’ve got to take care of ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically…neglecting these things allows us to become an easy target of the enemy!

I believe that many times pastors and ministry leaders will allow the stress and anxiety of ministry to catch up with them so much that they see a “moral failure” as an escape of the life they feel enslaved to.

One of the things ALL of us need to keep in mind is that the church is HIS bride…not ours.  There is no need to stress if we believe He is completely in control!

My prayer is that there would NEVER be another pastor to choose to fail morally!  (I hate it when people say a pastor “fell into sin!”  THAT HAS NEVER FREAKIN’ HAPPENED–EVER!!!  Moral failure is NOT a sin that happens to us…we make it happen!

Men, I want us to make it…to keep our eyes on Jesus!  PLEASE, if anyone is struggling in this area and feel like you are about to sin…GET HELP!  PLEASE…talk to someone!  (Many pastors will not do this because they spend WAY too much time trying to BE the Messiah rather than leading people to HIM!)”

I told you he was blunt!  :)

Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit down with a couple, who is getting married this fall.  I asked questions about their struggles and tried to give them some advice as they enter marriage.  One thing that I really believe couples have a hard time understanding about marriage is the “leaving and cleaving” that the Bible talks about.  Here is a blog post from Shawn Love Joy, who explains really well, what this means.

Leaving and cleaving affects my relationship with:

My parents:

• It means every time I have conflict with my spouse, I don’t run home to mama or pick up the phone and vent about my spouse!
• It means that even though I honor my parents, I never honor their wishes over my spouses!
• It means I speak positively of my spouse to my parents and extended family!

My children:

• It means I always speak positively of their mother (none of this “Well, you know your MOTHER…” stuff).
• It means I don’t get so caught up keeping my kids happy that I neglect the happiness of my spouse!
• It means that the kids have their beds, and we have ours. So I make them sleep in theirs!
• It means I make the kids go to bed at a reasonable time, so that I can spend some time cultivating the closest human relationship God has given me!
• It means I back my spouse in the discipline of our children (as long as it’s legal!).

My friends:

• When I get married, my spouse becomes my best friend. Not my best friend from High School or college, and especially not my old best friend of the opposite sex!
• If there’s any close friend I have that my spouse objects to, they’re no longer my close friend. Period.

My stuff:

• There’s no longer my car and her car; my bank account and her bank account. Everything my wife has belongs to me! And vice versa!

After this discussion, do you think most husbands and wives REALLY understand the implications of leaving and cleaving?

Then Came Crosspoint… 

If you have a young family like me, (I have 2 kids - 2 year old and 3 month old) Sunday is easily the craziest day of the week. For those of you who don’t, here is the rundown of a typical Sunday:

• Get everyone up, fed, dressed and out the door before 9:30 in time for sunday school.

• On the way to church everyone is crying because we forgot their favorite toy, pacifier, etc.

• Next, arrive at church completely stressed out! Get through sunday school on adrenaline; try to stay awake during the worship service.

• Rush home to get everyone down for naps (squeezing lunch in somewhere) and then do it all over again on Sudnay night.

Then came Crosspoint. We still have to get everyone up and ready, but KidsPoint and the Worship Experience doesn’t start untill 11:00am! My little boy loves Kidspoint and he never wants to take his name tag off. The Worship Experience is exciting AND engaging for the entire hour. The best part though is Sunday evenings! NO CHURCH…ever! Sunday night has become an awesome time that we spend together as a family. Sometimes we’ll watch a movie together or cook a meal together. Sometime soon I’m even hoping to sneak away and take the family to Cracker Barrell!

Adam Eldridge
Student Pastor

Witnessing

I’m a stay at home mom, so I could use the excuse that I’m never around anyone to witness too.  I have to make the most of my time when I do go out with the boys.  The playground seems to be the easiest place for me to share with other parents, plus Caleb always invites the kids to Kidspoint. 

Do you witness to people or do you think oh I’m too busy?  Well we all very busy and have so much that takes up our time, but we might be the only one whoever shares with that specific person.  Pray that God will open opportunities for you to share and he will at work, school, Kroger, etc.  Let’s make the most of our time because if we don’t tell others who will?

Pastor’s Wife